I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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