you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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