Kiss
Puke
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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