omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
