Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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