it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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