dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
