I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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