I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
