I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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