Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize