Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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