I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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