I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
