oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize