the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
