My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
