i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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