Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
