i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
