He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize