You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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