Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
