Screwed.edu
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My dad is sitting where you rode me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
