lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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