my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
