Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
