So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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