dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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