i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize