You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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