I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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