im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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