she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
