I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
