just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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