U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your penis caused this!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
