If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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