Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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