Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
