tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think my vagina is haunted
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
