I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
