OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
