Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
