After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
