Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
