I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
