Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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