Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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