Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
