dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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