So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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