You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
