I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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