I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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