he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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