When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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