No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish you could order shots online.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
