I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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