Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
where are you?
Hypothermia
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
