I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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