Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
