if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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