I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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