my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
