Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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