I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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