I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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