My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
