that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
