I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
