I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
