I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
