Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
