just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
