I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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