shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
