I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
