pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
