Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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