I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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