he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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