Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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