not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize