we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Text me some of your sweat
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
