no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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