i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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