i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
