So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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