Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
