weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
