I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
