it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
