I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
