i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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