I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
