I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
