Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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