life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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