every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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