I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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