i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
